Editorial
What. A. Week.
Happy Blue Monday to all who celebrate. I shall be diving deeper into this later in the programme, but first, there's lots to recap. We've had an incredible week in clubland, with announcements raining down. It's hard to square that we're only halfway through January.
Just a handful of the highlights:
- [UNVRS] completed its Friday to Sunday weekend programme, confirming elrow and Carl Cox are back alongside the previously announced David Guetta
- Island-based Electric Ibiza announced a string of parties at 528 Ibiza, including four dates for Gaskin's Bass Jamz and Max Dean presents NEXUP over IMS weekend
- Ibiza Rocks revealed the latest stage of its continuous evolution - Ibiza Rocks Pool Club launches this summer
- Claptone presents The Masquerade returns to Saturday nights at Chinois Ibiza
- Dom Dolla moves into the coveted Friday night slot at Hï Ibiza, while Belgian brothers Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike are back midweek at Ushuaïa for Tomorrowland's longest season yet
There's just as much scheduled to drop in the week ahead, as Pacha countdowns to a mystery reveal via its website, and Amnesia makes clear its intent during its 50th anniversary year.
Below, you can enjoy a rant that I punched out several years ago with the intention of sending to editors for consideration. After sitting on it for that whole time, I figured I might as well self-publish an excerpt so it can finally see the light of day. Take from it what you will.
The bluest of Mondays
This morning, I sat at my laptop and watched the Blue Monday backlash unfold. LinkedIn was the worst. Multiple variations of the same sentiment: Blue Monday is a manipulative marketing ploy. To be honest, reading all the hot takes made me a little bit fed up.
Of course. It's Blue Monday! That's the default setting.
For the avoidance of doubt, I'm not blue in the "don't do anything stupid" sense. I'm not medically depressed, but the facts are these: I'm cold. I'm skint. I'm bored. I'm feeling less than chipper - and I don't need a qualified medical professional to diagnose as much.
That's about as far as I'm prepared to wade into Dunning-Kruger territory publicly, but the point stands. The weather is crap, I do have a temporary cash-flow issue and I don't have anything to look forward to in the immediate future. Their trivial nature is irrelevant.
Thankfully, in writing this, I have discovered a creative outlet for feeling a bit blue…
Blue Monday is not only made-up, but nothing more than a devious marketing campaign. Making it… exactly like the marketing campaign for every other product. Ever. Shocker. But this one's really upset people.
"Blue Monday isn't real".
Yeah? Well, neither's Christmas. But that doesn't stop us from going collectively mental for fifty days of the year without any self-awareness.
Truth is, base reality is pretty dull without these fairytales. These man-made fabrications inject a bit of drama or suspense into an otherwise short and terrifying existence. They're the classic white lie. They make living both interesting and tolerable.
Also, we're overlooking a universal truth: every time I've bought a holiday, my mood has instantly improved.
I've bought holidays when I'm happy, and it’s made me really happy. And I've bought holidays when I've been miserable, and it's still made me really happy. And yeah, perhaps the reality is that it's a hollow hit of dopamine, a temporary high destined to subside - and maybe it is?
But tell me any other purchase that gives you that euphoria, before you've even got what you paid for.
I suppose putting a deposit down on a car you really want might replicate the high of buying a holiday? A bit. But a car is only ever going to take you from A to B anyway. In fact, the best thing you can do in a car is go on holiday.
Okay, riding on the coattails of the mental health crisis is admittedly where any argument falls down. That is difficult to defend. But the tourism industry isn't even the worst offender.
Blue Monday is one day a year. I get guilt-tripped by charity adverts on a daily basis.
In Western society, we're bombarded with gratuitous imagery and insidious advertising morning, noon and night. Beauty products, diet plans, gym memberships, PTs, cosmetic surgeries, self-help gurus and life coaches - it's a constant stream of guilt-associated, hard-selling.
These frivolities play to our inner-most insecurities, amplified by unsubstantiated waffle peddled by charlatans without consequence. And all to coerce us into buying something we don't need, to impress people we don't like. The capitalist grind is relentless and shows no mercy.
Maybe Blue Monday is just a story without much basis in truth, but that's just who we are as a species: storytellers.
From scrawling hieroglyphics on cave walls, to the advent of organised religion, to the works of Shakespeare, Hemingway and Wilde, we're just really good at making the mundane and the ordinary sound enthralling, magical and ridiculous.
We rock at fibbing and exaggerating for theatrical effect.
So, if the tourism industry upsets you for spinning a yarn to encourage you to buy a holiday, I understand. It's duplicitous and amoral. But where's the line? If that upsets you, I've got a few uncomfortable truths coming your way.
That energy drink is going to zap your concentration and give you anxiety before it improves your cognitive ability. No, that designer aftershave probably won’t make you more sexually desirable. Will your social status improve by driving an executive car? Unlikely. People will just assume you're over-compensating for a lack in other areas...
If you take advertising at face value, I think you've got bigger issues to worry about than Blue Monday. Please, for your own sanity, make sure you leave the room every time a party political broadcast airs.
And here it is. The third act twist you had been waiting for. The disclaimer. The reason I leapt to the defence of Blue Monday: my impartiality must be questioned. You see, I have skin in the game. I am, myself, employed by the tourism industry. I stand to indirectly benefit from you booking a sunny getaway. It's a major conflict of interest.
My confession is out. My secret, exposed. A weight has been lifted. All the above is inadmissible. Case thrown out. Court in disrepute. It's a scandal. Show me leniency, m'lud. But we all know, I'm telling the truth.
Sue me. I like going on holiday just as much as the rest of you. Nobody has a monopoly on enjoying holidays.
To summarise, it's hard to disagree that Blue Monday is anything other than a sham to make you part with your money. But, what the hell, live a little and buy the holiday. You earned it. You deserve it. It will make you feel better.
I just wish the nudge from the retailer could be a bit more honest. Like all those other lying commercials…
All that ranting is thirsty work. I'm exhausted. You know what I need? That's right. A holiday.
Annnnnnnd, breathe. That feels better. It can be the simplest of things, but going off on your soapbox has therapeutic properties. Try it yourself for guaranteed stress release. Anyway, I'm off to Tenerife later this week for a winter getaway. For that, I make no apologies. I've earned it.
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Finally, you can find tickets and listings on our essential party calendar.
HEADER IMAGE | by Peter Young
