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Your first trip to Ibiza, ladies

What to expect when you're expecting...

Updated August 2017.

Coming of age, swiping your v-card, or having your cherry popped. Call it what you like, but one truth is universal; you are losing your virginity this weekend. Although we might be past the age of health class condoms and braces, here are a few helpful tips for the ladies to help ease you into the weekend.


Make friends on the plane...

Besides learning someone's zodiac sign, how often can you look at someone and know what they are all about? That answer of course is never, unless you are flying to Ibiza. Take advantage of the excitement and socialise with those around you, this riled me up enough to start belting Ryanair's infamous “On Time” landing jingle upon arriving.


Pushy PRs...

If you're an insomniac like I am, by now you have become quite resilient to resisting with those over-the-top advertisements you see on late night TV. Unfortunately, there is no remote control allowing you to skip through the string of PRs you will encounter on a daily basis in Ibiza. From gorgeous people in monochromatic bathing suits on the beach to the ticket booth girl offering that ‘only for you' package deal, PRs are everywhere and they are all claiming their party is the best. Before arriving spend some time researching who you want to see. Not only are tickets cheaper online, but after six vodka sodas on the beach who knows what you will agree to that night.


Love thy feet...

We all know that girl, the one insisting her 5 inch stilettos are comfortable. Inevitably, once 3 AM rolls around she's dancing barefoot on an elevated surface with one shoe in the air and the other lost in the same black hole as the retainers you never wore. Although you might leave with all ten toes intact at home, Ibiza is not the place to test your luck. You can guarantee that in Ibiza, the clubs will be packed and you'll be dancing until the sun comes up. If you insist on wearing heals or wedges, anything with an ankle strap are your best bet. Come 5 AM dance floors are sweaty and slippery, so make sure they have some traction too. As for flats, this isn't Panama City Beach, so draw the line at thong sandals.


Losing your friends...

No demographic is more capable of covering more ground than a pack of drunk girls. One is making friends in the bathroom, one is flirting their way into VIP, one is on her hands and knees looking for her phone and the other two are having a ‘let's put everything on the table' conversation by the bar. Since these outcomes are inevitable, establish a general meeting spot for when people stray from the pack. Keep in mind these clubs are big and the music will be loud, so calling each other won't get you very far. Try not to panic, send your friends a text and take a breather at the spot of your choice.


Guys...

Considering the fact drinks are 25€ a piece, the idea of batting a few eyelashes for one isn't an idea too far-fetched. Just like going to any club, have your wits about you and don't say yes to just anyone. If someone does offer to buy you a drink, make sure you watch how they handle it and don't leave it unattended. I personally avoid saying yes to anyone wearing neon or a bro-tank. Anyone who refuses to take their sunglasses off while inside is also a no-go.


Fabu-less...

As humans with phones in 2017 we all know the stress of making our lives look fabulous on social media. The luxurious time of broadcasting your ugly and boring days on snapchat are long gone once the story feature was created. With this constant first world problem of looking beautiful and exciting, we sometimes forget to like actually look past all this surface fluff and you know, do that thing called ‘enjoy the moment.' Dancing for five hours at Amnesia doesn't do your perfectly winged eyeliner and contoured cheek bones any justice, that is if you're a raver with incredible make up skills. Oh and you know that white v-neck body suit of yours from American Apparel? We all own it and have all become victims of strategically holding our drink at an arms length to make sure it remains spot free. Unfortunately a crowded Thursday night at Pacha isn't keeping that in mind either. Take things down a notch this trip. If you're a chic that wears lash extensions and white platform sneakers, leave them at home and keep the smart phone use to a minimum, so when you are on the dance floor you can actually have some fun.

WORDS | Sara McNutt


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