Calling all the galdems! This one's for you.
We all have this mental image ingrained in our heads of what our dream trip to Ibiza looks like, right? Whilst I can't praise this island enough, it is also a good idea to set expectations realistically, to swerve any form of disappointment.
We all know those perfectly primed Insta stories don't really tell the full behind the scenes story, and there will most probably be moments on your trip where you'll be able to make your own 'expectation versus reality' TikTok meme.
With this in mind, here are a few of these types of instances that you may encounter on your trip to the White Isle, so all of you lovely ladies can expect, well, the expected.
Red-eye flights from the UK
If you're on an early morning flight from the UK, this will probably be the first of the expectations versus reality encounters of the trip. If you're wanting to get some shut-eye on the plane, the likelihood is that it will be full of overly excited Brits already on the booze, raring to start off their holiday with a bang.
If you're anything like me who takes any opportunity to nap, you might be disappointed. My advice to you is to get involved (in an orderly manner), and socialise with those around you instead. You can always have a nap by the pool later…
If you haven't witnessed the scenes of a plane heading to Ibiza, simply type it on TikTok and see for yourself. I'll dish you out a trigger warning now.
Taxi queues at the airport
Ah, touching down at a foreign airport, walking out into the gorgeous sunshine and feeling the heat hit you full on in the face.
Whilst you can almost feel your dopamine levels rise walking out of the airport, you're most likely going to be greeted by a lengthy taxi queue as well. To be honest, there isn't much you can do unless you either have a hotel transfer or have a friend come to pick you up, so just mentally prepare to wait for a taxi in the blazing heat.
I know you want to get to your hotel, check-in and sip on a porn star martini by the pool, but this is, unfortunately, one of the more inconvenient realities of Ibiza. Please don't despair, they do arrive very frequently and anybody claiming "45-minute" wait times, is likely trying to upsell you their pricey concierge services.
With all this said, Uber has recently arrived on the island, so hopefully this will help ease this common debacle. It's usually worse in peak summer, so it's really dependent on when you're coming.
Pushy reps and public relations
If you've booked yourself a villa or an Airbnb for your trip, you can wave the green flag on this one. If you're staying in a hotel within one of the main tourist areas, San Antonio or Playa d'en Bossa, unfortunately, there is no remote control allowing you to skip through the string of PRs you will encounter on a daily basis.
From muscly, orange-tinted males in swim shorts shorter than your high school skirt, girls in skimpy bathing suits wandering the lengths of the beach, to the street ticket sellers offering that 'only for you' package deal, PRs are everywhere and they are all claiming their party is the best.
Before arriving, spend some time researching what clubs and parties tickle your fancy, using Ibiza Spotlight of course, so you can simply say "ta-ta" to them when you get approached. They will sit on the edge of your sunbed until you give in, trust me!
Not only are online tickets more secure, but most come with the option of cancellation insurance to cover all eventualities. Plus, we're just generally a very friendly bunch! If you ever have any issues, don't hesitate to get in touch. We'll always try to help where we can.
Whether you're still at home or here already, our party calendar is your essential one-stop shop for everything going on today, tomorrow and the rest of summer.
Losing your friends
No demographic is capable of covering more ground than a pack of drunk girls. One is making friends in the bathroom, one is flirting their way into VIP, one is on her hands and knees looking for her phone and the other two are having a 'let's put everything on the table' conversation by the bar.
Since these outcomes are inevitable, it's more than likely that you'll find yourself in this exact situation on a night out. The best thing to do to avoid the break-up of your group is to establish a general meeting spot for when people stray from the pack.
Keep in mind Ibiza clubs are large-scale, and the music will be loud, so calling each other won't get you very far. Try not to panic, send your friends a text and take a breather at the spot of your choice.
Find Your Friends and What3Words are great apps I think all young women should have on their phones, whether on Ibiza or elsewhere.
Staying vigilant and limiting risk factors
Look, few people love Ibiza as much as us. The last thing we'd want to do is put anybody off. By and large, Ibiza is a very safe destination, with low crime rate and even lower violent crime rate. But the truth is, anywhere there's a potent mix of hedonism and drink, has the potential to attract creeps and crooks, whether that be unwanted attention or opportunist thieves.
Considering drinks are up to €25 a piece, the idea of exploiting your womanhood in exchange for one isn't too far-fetched. Just like going to any club, have your wits about you and don't say yes to just anyone. If someone does offer to buy you a drink, make sure you watch how they handle it and don't leave it unattended.
Getting spiked is unlikely, but unfortunately, the sad reality is that there are some people out there who would do such a thing.
If anybody's behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to approach staff. All of the club's have welfare areas and many now operate the Ask For Angela scheme just as they do in the UK. Sticking together in a group and keeping communication lines open at all times is always the best policy.
A crowded dancefloor
Whilst we all can't wait to catch Carl Cox play the last set of the night or get amongst the ANTS colony at Ushuaïa, the reality is that Ibiza's dancefloors are crowded and compact spaces full of people just like you. After all, it is the dance music capital of the world!
This means that your senses will become hyper-aware of your surroundings. You'll probably find yourself checking your bag to make sure your belongings are still there, your cigarette isn't burning the person next to you, and your drink isn't spilling down the outfit you've had planned months in advance. This is definitely an environment where you can become easily overstimulated.
My recommendation is to bring minimal belongings, don't wear your most expensive outfit to the rave, wear a sturdy shoe to protect your tootsies, and try to limit your phone use on the dancefloor. You won't be able to get that perfect Insta shot in a crowd full of thousands of fellow ravers, anyway. Enjoy the moment, you're on Ibiza!
Join the community
For even more hints and tips about how to enjoy your first Ibiza holiday to the maximum, or to give your valuable feedback to future Ibiza Virgins, why not join the conversations at Ibiza Spotlight's ever-popular forum?
You will meet plenty of like-minded Ibiza lovers who would love to hear your views and share their advice.
