Here at humble little Spotlight however, there is no need for such token gestures as we compile our own "Ibiza Summer 2008 Awards" with as much insensitivity, gossip-mongering, two-fingered saluting and corruption as we can handle after a large weekend of closing parties.
So on one drunken night, we came up with as many dim-witted categories as possible along with some more standard issue awards. If we were to say all this were invented on the back of a fag packet, it would be an injustice to all those illustrious back-of-a-fag-packet inventors throughout history. In fact, this is so bad, you shouldn't even bother reading it.
And Oh, one more thing, the winners were chosen based purely on how much stuff (drinks vouchers, free merchandise, a lift home, sexual favours and the like) we've managed to blag off them this summer.
Best night - Cocoon, predictable maybe but the benchmark went up again this year, a modern day legend in the making.
Worst Night - There were a few clubs that were really embarrassingly empty, but the most intriguing will be whether Manumission bothers next year. The one time Don of Clubland Ibiza tried everything this year in an effort to get people through the door and generally failed and that was with only half a club to fill.
FMIF Award for most rammed club - The clue is in the title, F*** Me I'm Famous win. It was just a roadblock all summer. In fact, I hear next year Pacha may even employ Tokyo Metro style 'pushers' to get more people in.
Entry plan for FMIF 2009
Best venue - Amnesia (terrace specifically!) Not just for the Cocoon sessions but others too like Eric Prydz and Sasha for Cream, the Manumission shows, the Made In Italy sex scenes and the wonderful People from Ibiza. Very much the main room of the club now, to the extent that both Armin and Paul Van Dyk want to play on there next year!
Most Expensive Event - F*** Me I’m Famous - EUR 100 on the door to get into a club that is so full that 5 people fall off the roof terrace every time the base kicks in. Do me a favour!
Best Free Event - In terms of value for money, considering you pay nothing, after acquiring one of the thousands of wristbands that are floating about, either Monday’s Calling or Goa at Space deserves a shout. Guests such as Shlomi Aber, Dixon and Guy Gerber have represented the new sound of the underground.
Biggest Disaster - Made In Italy - Book Sasha to play in June, promote the night so badly that nobody knows he is even playing and then just as he is about to start his set….enter stage left; 4 lesbians with fake tits doing 69 to entice the 50 or so punters stood around waiting for Sasha. No prizes for guessing why Mr Coe cancelled the other 2 dates!
Success/Surprise of the summer - Supermartxe - Going from a venue with a capacity of hundreds to filling the biggest club in the world, every god damn single week!!
Best DJ - Luciano for the sheer energy, eclecticism and no nonsense house music. And all whilst having a smile on his face.
Sleaziest DJ - No question, there was only ever gonna be one winner her. The sweetheart that is Steve Angello. My Steve Angello, and here is when I met him.
Me and Steve
Sweatiest DJ - gotta be Ricardo - altogether now "we love you Ricardo!"
The Sasha award for most statuesque DJ - Moody as the Space security staff, Steve Lawler gets it for all round monotone-ness and dull as ditch water attitude in his quest for musical redirection towards the "too cool for school" gang. Open your eyes Steve! Have you not seen how the Cocoon gang do it when they’re behind the decks?
Most talked about producer - Deadmau5 seemed to be all anyone was talking about all summer. A 2 hour knob twiddling session for his "live" show at Cream was hot, but probably not as warm as the nerd-done-good Joel Zimmerman, who spent the majority of the performance in character!
Bad Day at the Office Award - Loco Dice. Sorry if this upsets a few people, but there was a collective groan amongst the panel when we began discussing Mister dice. Far from rolling a six, Dice had a particular stinker at Cocoon at the start of September, which left even the most ardent of Cocoonites bemused.
Caner award - Sorry, but for yet another season of carry on antics (however private), often going on till at least Wednesday, Sven Vath, steals the crown. Did you see him at Amnesia Closing!?
Oh dear Sven!
Tune of the summer - Trompeta by Sis rose up like a phoenix, from the flames coming from the burning issue of dc10’s opening problems, to become the tune played by everyone towards the end of the season. And I mean everyone!
Remix - Arguably the tune of the summer itself, but we had 2 categories to fill (!!), the winner here gets it partly for cross-genre success (everyone from the Cocoon jocks to the Swedes have played it, even David Guetta) and also for season long staying power. Dubfire’s Terror mix of Grindhouse by Radioslave is the winner.
Most rinsed tune - The Man with a Red Face (Mark Knight and Funkagenda remake). No question on this one, heard everywhere, all summer long and usually to stunning success.
Most Balearic moment - Sven playing Music sounds Better With You by Stardust at Amnesia Closing at midday was special but the master wins; Alfredo closing the sunset terrace with Passenger by Iggy Pop.
Best "back in the day" tune heard - The Age of love by Age of Love (the watch out for stella mix of course), first by Luciano at Cocoon in July and then the Swedes played it at their Cream takeover in late August. Classic classic track.
Best Ibiza Radio station - Ibiza Sonica - far more diverse, eclectic and interesting range of music than Ibiza Global Radio, with great live broadcasts to boot. Check it out! www.ibizasonica.es
Worst Space Closing tune award - I still can’t quite believe this one as it was shit for the whole 2 weeks when it was popular in August 2000. David Guetta playing Zombie Nation - Kenkraft 400. Shocking. Absolutely shocking.
Most Shocking Musical Taste Award - Ronaldo, no, the fat one, who was discovered going to Cream 3 weeks on the run. According to one of his party, "he just loves trance music"!
Ronaldo @ Cream
Parking nightmare award - Space Opening was horrendous, whilst some Cocoon nights at Amnesia have been an especially interesting challenge. But, for sheer numbers of people descending into the middle of nowhere, and all with cars, Supermartxe take the gong. They even got some ‘bad’ press for it!
Scariest Security Staff - The guys at Space are no fun, intimidating and all over you like beans on toast, but they are teddy bears compared to the gorillas at Bora Bora. Dressed like they’ve come straight from an SS renunion party, these guys are scary, really scary and they are very nice, yes VERY NICE and we will like you lots if you don’t hurt us.
Most clichéd tattoo - Stars - They look good admittedly, but everyone has got one.
Best T-shirt slogan - Remember the "IBIZA FUCKIN ISLAND" t-shirts, well now you can add an (EXPENSIVE) in there before island. IBIZA FUCKIN (EXPENSIVE) ISLAND. You gotta laugh.
Best beach - Talamanca - Never busy like Salinas, better restaurants than Cala Jondal, calm and warm water and no bullshit either. Just a quality beach away from the masses to do beachy things.
Best PR stunt - Pure Platinum, what better way to entice customers to your 'striptease' hotel than having some scantily clad silicone boosted beauties ride around in your open top car. "Hubba Hubba" says the Maiden.
Silicone/Muscle beach award - Blue Marlin regulars faired well for this award for Bora Bora beach is clear winner. Guys, hasn’t anybody told you - it looks ugly - save it for Miami!!
Biggest Pain in The Ass - The authorites - nuff said!
Our thoughts are with you Award - Frankie Knuckles, who recently had to have his foot amputated, and Kenny Dope, who has suffered heart problems. Peace and love guys.
Until 2009 people...!
The latest issue of our weekly magazine...
Our Ibiza Virgins series returns with a look into beach clubs.
The 7th edition of the Pintxa festival begins this Thursday in San Antonio.
Group hug anyone?