The Ranting Raver Reviews - 1 (Mr.C + more)

New weekly (maybe) column on Spotlight from our resident cynic whose ears and tongue are in a constant fight over which is the sharpest.

Adultnapper & Mr C present Sycophant Slags - Keep Off (Original, Reboot Mix, Wighnomy Brothers Mix)

Rating: 4/10

Original Mix            

Reboot Mix             

Wighnomy Bros. Mix 

Now I love Mr C. The way he is consistenly so passionate and enthused about music that is to all intents and purposes unlistenable to the naked ear, the fact he can go on Top of the Pops and sell millions and then reject it all overnight in the name of integrity, the fact he can waltz into East London's premier rave boozer Old Blue Last in in a fedora and leopard skin coat with no-one batting an eyelid, but I suppose mainly for the fact that he really doesn't give a rat's arse what anyone thinks. Which of course is why it is such a shame he feels the need to produce a record like this, which despite the hint of comical flamboyance suggested by the pseudonym, is actually a very grey, generic testment to the bland tech production line Poker Flat has become in recent years.

So what is there to say about this track? well, about the original and reboot mix, very little indeed - both taking the dark, keta-dynamic formula to new mundane depths - the wighnomy brothers mix a marginal improvement offering a momentary hint of humanity, but fundamentally, this is profoundly disturbing music which has no real significance beyond the warped, tranquilised headspace of a dystopian sunday morning bad dream.

Soulclap - Bobby (taken from The RnB FreE.P.)

Download this EP for free here

Rating: 2/10

Those of a certain vintage will remember Bobby Brown - R Kelly´s arch-rival as the svengali of sleazy late 20th century swingbeat - but now no more than a dysfunctional, dope-addled footnote in Whitney´s wardrobe. His hit 'Humpin Around' epitomised that era - the high testosterone, proto-bling sound which would later mutate into the aural terrorism known more commonly as r&b - the ubiquitous soundtrack to every shoe shop, supermarket and striptease parlour across the planet.

But apart from an ill-fated attempt by an equally troubled Britney Spears to resuscitate My Prerogative in 2004, the world had by and large forgotten Bobby Brown - the singer. UNTIL THIS. Soul Clap (who he? she? they?) has/have retained snippets of his vocal on this remix although it is hard to shake the sensation that the result was a pre-ordained car crash before Bobby even entered the picture. Of course, giving urban records a house polish needn't necessarily end in tears. David Morales and Frankie Knuckles used to remix urban records for Def Mix but add exciting new twists - the garage piano which famously characterised Mariah Carey´s Dream Lover landed it instant classic status in many DJ boxes.

More recently, a newer breed of disco-influenced house producers like Mark E have worked with soul tracks and reinvented them for different dancefloors, such as the Janet Jackson sampling 'r&b drunkie'. This remix however is, is filler fodder destined only to up the irritation factor a notch every little step on the way to the wastepaper basket.