Am I Gay Enough To Be Gay?

Stupid title? Well kinda, but I really have questioned it many a time. You see, coming out can be a hairy time for everyone. Yeah, the usual stuff, what will people think? Will I be accepted? Etc. One thing that isn’t normally touched upon is actually how to ‘be’ after you step outside. 

You get bombarded with the stereotypical gay stereotype through the media, normally someone who minces about with a limp wrist, gossiping and bitching at every given opportunity. Or skin headed lesbian with 15 piercings, butching it up with an oversized Jack Daniels T-shirt.  Not that anyone can’t act or dress like it as I’m sure do, even I know people who fit that description. All I am saying is that those visions are normally what you get surrounding you from the media as normal gay behaviour.

So when I came out back in 1999 I popped to Canal Street (famous Gay village in Manchester, England) thinking I would just fit in, being a gay and all. The truth was I felt more out of my depth than ever, I didn’t feel I really fitted it.  How odd? A gay man not fitting in, in a specifically gay area? 

I questioned a lot over the years, was I not comfortable being around gay people? As most of my socialising was spent at ‘straight’ bars with my friends, I felt like the crappest gay ever!

I was far from a ‘mans’ man but I wasn’t overly camp at all, in fact most people didn’t realise I was actually gay. People told me I should act more ‘gay’ to let people know that I am, this didn’t sit well with me also. Yes, I could loosen my wrist and wear a tighter T-shirt but I didn’t feel comfortable with it.  I didn’t feel I had to (or want to) parade it left, right and centre, but was that out of fear? 

I really think it wasn’t, I am comfortable with being gay, but why should I wear it on my sleeve like a badge?  People don’t introduce themselves, “Hi I’m Peter and I’m straight!”, so why should I have to announce it with or without words to people? Some want to shout it from the rooftops and they have the total right to do so, hats off to them. But not me, I am Benjamin, my sexuality is a part of me, as is my hair colour but it isn’t my defining feature. It took a while to really grasp that I didn’t have to act or ‘be’ a certain way to be gay.  A lot of happy gay & lesbian people go ‘under the radar’ as they aren’t as noticeable as some, but they do just as an important job with ‘gay rights’ as anyone.

That is why I took great pleasure in taking this role on at Ibiza Spotlight as I want it to cater for all people on the gay spectrum. I wanted to be the voice for the whole community, whichever part you play in it. Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments where I stick on Whitney Houston and dance around the house, who doesn’t eh? But what does it really mean being gay? Nothing! I am human being living my life to the max who happens to like men instead of women, and I LOVE that fact. You can be whoever you are and act however you want to act, the real strength starts within. Once you allow yourself to be yourself with your sexuality a part of you rather than it actually ‘being’ you then you will feel a lot more comfortable in your skin, and I did just that.

I do talks/workshops on this subject and many more, for more information visit my website on:
www.thehappinesstrail.com

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